Back to Cycles…
Morning moon, February 26th at 6:10 am
I am on day 25 of my cycle, rounding into the bend where my energy wanes and so does my mood. The moon cycle feels reflective of my current state. The full moon has passed, and it is in its waning phase, approaching the last quarter on March 3. The build up of energy that I have felt since I set my intentions on the second new moon of the year, which was in Aquarius (my birth sign), the Lunar New Year, the year of the dragon…that energy expanded and finally reached its peak and then I felt the energy contract. I felt myself wanting to go in, and slow down.
Which, in my hyperproductive state of mind, can be very hard for me to accept. There’s all this implicit messaging to keep pushing, keep going. Don’t let the good stuff ever end. But it does. It inevitably does, and I am reminded that the state of the universe is one of expansion and contraction. This cycle is mirrored back to me everywhere. The seasons, the moon, my breath, even flowers open in the morning with the sun, and close again at night.
In the seasonal cycle, we are on the cusp of expansion, but I am also reminded that even in preparation for expansion, there must be balance. The spring reminds me of this. The light becomes more balanced as we approach the equinox. And all things need balance to thrive. Plants need not too much sun, not too little; they need not too much water, and not too little. Every ecosystem must have a balance that must be maintained to thrive and not collapse.
So, here I sit here in my waning energy and my once focused, directed energy has morphed into a bit of a scattered, sputtering mess. And, I am grounded in remembering my connection to all these cycles. It’s comforting to find myself held in the arms of these circles. When I remember to tune into these rhythms, and where I am at in them, self-compassion comes more easily to me. Also, acceptance comes in. I have decades of learning how to push through, ignoring my waning energy, and getting frustrated with myself for not being able to be “consistent” in my efforts. Instead, one of the gifts that observing these cycles has given me is a little voice in my heart that says, rest. Now, it is time to rest. And instead of panic and frustration to greet my waning energy, there is understanding and holding in it. I am not alone. All things rest. All things expand and contract in their own way–the whole universe.
When I let myself also be a part of this expanding and contracting energy, a part of this universe, there is deep belonging. And I can’t help but notice that in any frantic effort that is pushing toward achievement of some sort, I think what we are all looking for is actually this–true belonging. To know we matter, we belong, and we are an essential part of a larger family.
