2024…a year to rediscover cycles.
I have been slowly wading into this journey without even realizing it, and all of a sudden, as epiphanies tend to do, it dawned on me–this will be my year of rediscovering cycles in my journey to reconnect with the more than human world, the place I belong, and also to reconnect with my soul, my Self.
For two seasons now, I experimented with a friend, co-leading a group on a day-long workshop designed around connecting to the equinox, then solstice, as a way to ground back into nature and observe ourselves and the beings around us within the context of the season and what it asks of us. We were both elated with the experience. It was inspiring to see how quickly the participants found peace, grounding, wisdom, and awakening experiences after spending time with the land around us. And I felt so grateful that in my preparation for these workshops, I too was transformed. I now have poems I think of in each season – shifting energy, rituals, and ceremonies – I would love to create for each solstice and equinox. I now notice the shifts in my body and spirit with each new season. As a result, the seasons have settled into my body and psyche deeper than ever before.
As a side project, I began tracking the moon cycle, setting intentions, paying attention to the moon slowly growing then ebbing into a tiny sliver each month. It surprised me how easily forgotten the moon was up to this point, that there are many nights I would have had no idea where the moon was in her cycle, and I felt sad for all those lost years of simply not paying attention.
Finally, my younger sister sent me a podcast done by the BBC and hosted by India Rakusen called “28ish Days Later.” This podcast was about the menstrual cycle, women’s bodies, menopause, fertility, and all sorts of things pertaining to these topics. As I listened to all these women’s voices, I realized how much we are all connected in this shared experience, even though it varies so much from individual to individual. I was in awe at what I learned and in horror that I knew so little about my own body and so little about other women’s experiences because we don’t talk about it. I have rarely ever tracked my somewhat unpredictable cycle in my own body. Of course, I began tracking my cycle after this, noticing things that had been there all the time, but remained invisible simply because I had never concertedly turned my awareness toward it.
Upon adding this third layer of cycle tracking, I noticed this awareness of myself and my place in things begin to shift. I felt aware of my body as an animal’s body: connected to the land, the season, the cosmos around me, in a way that it has always been, just like any animal’s body. Yet, my whole life I have been able to ignore this fact, feeling as though my mind and my hard-charging thoughts were actually in control of it all. I realized that my body has always been paying attention on a deeper level than my thoughts, and it still is a bit of an astounding awareness to me.
What immediately became noticeable when I step into this awareness of myself as an animal was a sense of empowerment and grief, and also a vast sense of what I do not know–not because it’s not possible, but because the animal that is me, that is all of us, has been so deeply exiled we have not only forgotten its sensibilities, we don’t even know to fathom that they are there.
When I wrote this, I was on day 22 of my menstrual cycle, the moon was full, and it was the heart of winter, the Cold Moon. Today, as I publish this, I am on day 1 of my cycle, the moon is waning as we approach the new moon on February 9, and the winter goes on. I am, however, noticing the parts of me that are beginning to look forward to spring. And this would make sense because today is halfway between the winter solstice and spring equinox.
And here is yet another cycle I am beginning to explore…the Wheel of the Year which is an ancient Celtic calendar that revolves around eight festivals throughout the year. Each festival marks either a solstice, an equinox, or halfway point between the two. Imbolc is the first festival of the year, and it is today, February 4. Yule is the final festival of the year on the winter solstice. Imbolc marks the dawning of spring. It is a time to begin preparing for the growing season–where the soil is tended and prepared for planting. It is also a time that signifies dreaming, intuition, beginning to notice those little energies beneath the surface and cultivating space for them to grow. Imbolc signals to us that change and movement are coming, so prepare.
How can a day just feel like a day anymore? How can a body just be a brain? How can a self be alone when you allow yourself to be aware of all of this?
